1974: It Was a Dark and Stormy Night
1986: Son of "It Was a Dark and
Stormy Night"
The wretched tradition continues . . .

The horizon coughed up the morning sun much as if Atlas had lowered the world from his mighty shoulders and given it the Heimlich maneuver.

--Bruce K. MacDonald, Scarborough, Ontario

"This is almost worth the high blood pressure!" he thought as yet another mosquito exploded.

--Richard Patching, Calgary, Alberta

Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back-alley sex-change surgeon--to become the woman he loved.

--John L. Orman, Albuquerque, New Mexico

Thadump, thadump, thadump, the incessant pounding of Marge's breast against his forehead was aggravating, but Lars wasn't about to complain, for this was the closest he'd ever been to a real woman.

--Tim Burns, Indianapolis, Indiana

Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eeking out a living at a local pet store.

--Richard W. O'Bryan, Perrysburg, Ohio

It was Sammy Slug's first day of school, and was he ever excited!--because he'd meet lots of other little worms, but he had to watch out for salt crossing the street on his way to school, his mother said, because if the patrol slug waved him and his glob of little friends across the busy, dangerous street that had been salted because of the snow, before Sammy knew it his little body would be sucked dry, and his poor mama would never see Sammy drag his slime across her doorstep again.

--Enid Shomer, Gainesville, Florida

As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the sound chamber he would never hear the end of it.

--David C. Mortensen, Pocatello, Idaho

An individual of your known munificence will wish to shower your numerous admirers, dependents, and contacts with copies of Bride of Dark and Stormy. To expedite this process, you may order by mail from Penguin Books (1-800-526/0275), or you may give the gif a goose: