"Bad Fiction is Back--
And It's Worse Than Ever"

"Best not pester Mr. Buster's sister Hester, blast her, lest her blisters fester," rasped our flustered pastor.

--Gwen Fuller, Menlo Park, California

After ravaging the pansies, the gastropod turned his attention to the roses: "So many beauties," he sighed, "so little slime."

--Mary Anthony, Grand Rapids, Michigan

The Supremes, responding penitently to the judgment of their critics, changed their group's name to the Earnest, Moderately-Talented Young Women Who Sing for a Living.

--Rev. William F. Charles, Cassopolis, Michigan

Fierce, icy winds mercilessly whipped the naked trees into splinters and sent birds wheeling into the horizon as Nick Savage mushed his heavy sled on through the blinding whiteness; next time, he thought wearily, I'm hooking up the dogs.

--Leann Roberts, Iron Station, North Carolina

"You shall bear many children," he toasted, "and feed them with your ample breasts," and I was sure I'd married the right man.

--D. Weisman, Boston, Massachusetts

Little Gustifer loved to eat Gummi Worms, chewing and chewing them or putting them into his mouth and drawing them out his nose while singing, "The worms crawl in; the worms crawl out/the worms play pinochle in your snout!" little realizing that very soon he would be run over by a car and become food for worms himself.

--Marina True, Berkeley, California

At once a cyberphile and a bibliophile, you will wish to complete your file of Bulweriana by ordering Dark and Stormy Rides Again. At the same time, you will doubtless wish to secure the undying gratitude of at least several dozen of your familiars. The instrument for achieving the fruition of your desires (and theirs) is no farther away than a phone call to Penguin Books (1-800-526/0275), or this serviceable gif: